An open letter to the males of Swindon

I went out on Saturday. I go out a lot. I don't go out-out though. However this past Saturday out turned in to out-out. I don't like it. I feel uncomfortable, like I don't fit in. I don't feel I can be myself. And will people ever get over the shock of 'I don't drink'?

I was having a jolly evening until someone decided we leave our reserved table at our pub that we seem to live in and go to a bar.

Upon arriving at this bar it was duely noted that they are playing the same mix cd they were playing when they first opened a good few years ago now. They still have the same miserable, past it, community centre disco dj pretending to mix. They still have the worlds most miserable bar staff and
air con seems to have passed them by.

This is where my letter begins:

Men, men of Swindon, (well I am sure this applies to a lot of places) you mustn't behave how you do. I enjoy people watching. looking how others behave and interact. I watched how a lot of you behaved whilst out drinking and it was really not pretty to watch. I happened to be out with a very pretty, blonde, big boobed lady. You lot were disgusting, staring at her and thinking you could invade her personal space. One of you even thought the chat up line "I was in a lynx advert you know" would work on her. Luckily you were brilliantly put down with the reply "what they guy with the hairy back?"
Try changing your look as well, red chinos and a jumper with a picture of a naked lady on are not the height of fashion. There are more shops out there than Topshop.
The 'lad' behaviour is getting a little old now. Picking each other up and throwing each other round isn't just annoying, I really don't appreciate a foot with poorly chosen footwear in my face.
It's time to be gentlemen.

It's not scathing, it's not men hating. I bet that is what you were expecting. I don't hate men. I'm not one of those crazy feminist. In fact i spend most of my time with my male friends. But if they started acting you like motherfuckers I would totally cut them out. After all I am the glue that holds the group together.