Monday, November 17, 2014

Calamities

I have always said my life is just me stumbling from one calamity to the next.

Right now I am so despondent. I can't believe how much my self esteem has suffered in just a week. I haven't been sleeping properly which is making me so tired during the day. I can't bring myself to do my hair or make up. I don't see the point.

Tomorrow the kid is 11. I have been working full time since she was 1. That was never easy. I missed out on so much. But I was always lucky that my sister helped me so much with childcare. 

I always wanted to work. I wanted to provide all the awesome things and experiences in life for the kid. It's never really worked out perfectly. There has always been a broken car or a gas bill to pay. 

Now though I feel further away from any of the things I wanted for me and her. 

It's been a horrible week. It's only going to get worse. 

It is the times like these when I wish I wasn't alone. But my mind keeps pissing me off 

"hey, hey Dougal, why would anyone be interested in your life, you don't have a job" 
"Oi Dougal, don't bother texting that boy, he has loads of women in his life, he doesn't need you"
"Yeah right, like you can do that job"

God I sound fucking miserable, well I am. 

I say it every year, I hate christmas! Well this year I think I mean it more than ever. 

2 comments:

  1. Oh no. :( what's happens? i'm sure you find a nother job soon sure. yor daughter will be thankful always for what you sacrifices.

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  2. Every now and again when I'm heading to Swindon you and the kid pop into my head. So I came here to wish you well in 2015, as I'm unable to contact you through other means. Shame your 2014 hasn't gone well, so for whatever it's worth I hope 2015 picks up.

    It might also be worth remembering that, even if you can't provide all the things you wanted for her, the kid is turning out to be a pretty awesome one, from what I remember of her... So be proud of that?

    Have fun.

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