Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Getting all giddy

Well, it's November tomorrow. So that's nearly another year gone. Another year of believing the shit boys say to me which ultimately ends up being bullshit. Another year of failed relationship attempts and generally resigning myself to being a crazy cat lady, but with dogs.

Let me give you an example. Get comfortable because this may take a while.

For 4 maybe 5 years I have been on and and off waiting for Senpai to notice me. Sometimes he does but then he forgets and moves on with 'Becky with the good hair'. Towards the end of last year and during the beginning of this year we were spending time together and it was awesome. In them times I am happy. It's fun. I mean I love kicking back with this dude. 

But then he did some shit thing. It's 1am I am in his bed he tells me I have to go home because he has to get up early in the morning. Now I know it is because his mates are coming over and he doesn't want them to know I am there. 

So I distance myself from him. I was hurt and figured it was time to give up. I had a good old fashioned talk with myself about the perils of dating and of having feelings. I deleted all the apps: Tinder, Bumble, OK Cupid, and decided to just spend the rest of the year being cool with my eternal singleness. 

He keeps messaging me. He seems sincere and kind and genuine. So i go and see him. When I am there he uses these exact words, and this is verbatim "I've missed you" followed by "I want to spend more time with you". 

Ahhhhh I am elated after all this time Achievement Unlocked Senpai Noticed Me.

But then he went away. And I missed him terribly. And then he came back and it wasn't the same. My excitement for what might have been has become a real crushing sadness partly because I miss that person who made me happy by saying those things, and partly because I had the chance to prevent this inevitable outcome and the hopeless romantic in me went "naaaahhhhh it'll be fine"

So here I am. Sad about this same person again for the 100th time. Checking my phone for the 00th time to see if he has text me (He hasn't) and planning Christmas, New Year and my birthday as a single loser for the 300th time.

I would like to ask. I have replayed this situation over in my head 400 times (kept the number theme up) and I challenge any of you to be naked in bed with the person you want to be in a relationship with and not to get all giddy when they say they miss you.

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