Watching films

This is not exactly gonna be about Star Wars but it is. But bear with me I promise I won't be geeky.

I struggle with films. They are so darn hard to watch. They go on forever and I have no idea what is going to happen. 

Films are hard for me with both ADHD and anxiety. It can be a stressful experince. Take Rogue One for Example. I had no idea what was going to happen and it was an emotional journey (and don't try and pretend it wasn't). I had to wait in the cinema at the end just to get my brain back together.

I love Star Wars. I ruddy love it. And no I don't need your quiz on some obscure fact that feel makes you a better fan than me. and I don't want to debate which is your favourite of your views on the prequels or the Star Wars Stories. Let's just allow people to enjoy things shall we.

I love Star Wars because I know it, pretty much off by heart. I know the characters I know the plot, I know the foibles and directors cuts. 

I can have Star Wars on and not have to worry. And that is a rare place to be. Call it a safe place, call me a snowflake, I don't care, because Star Wars makes me happy and I am not about to give it up any time soon.

Let's have a quick catch up

God I hate that office talk bullshit. Let's have a quick catch up I'll ping you an email. Ping, fucking ping!

I've not been here for a while. I have not really been anywhere. I do not have any stories of my heart being ripped out and stamped on to regale you with.

There have probably been a lot of amusing anecdotes and many a foible. Just nothing to write about. And let's be honest you all one here for the comedy break-ups you're not here for happiness and light are you?

I am still single, surprise hey. I am pretty sure I was meant to be single but just to fall in love with every chap that smiled in my direction, even if he is looking at the girl behind me.

When I started out here i think I was called 28 year old single mum. I am 35 now. So what does that say about my inadequacies with relationships? Nothing, that's what. It's not me it's them. Well maybe it is me. But only a little bit me.

I hope I fall in love this year, with someone who loves me back, and not just with the boy I stare whsitfully at sometimes, planning all the fun things we should do whilst knowing full well he has a girlfriend. God he's pretty.

Anyway, I hope I make the time to write cos I do miss it.

I miss you my friend

It’s been 5 months and I haven’t spoken to him. We used to speak every day. Not about anything. But about everything. I haven’t thought about him. Just put it to the back of my mind and moved on.

I don’t even understand how we got to the point we did. How it was so much fun and then so horribly nasty.

I thought about him this evening. Wondered what he was doing whilst I’m out here fucking up still. He would be the one I would tell it all too. He would laugh at me. Call me a trusting dickhead. And make me feel better.

It’s been quiet since he’s gone. He’s not reading this. I’m not sure if anyone reads this anymore. But just in case “I miss you my friend”